Fashion, Books, and (Sometimes) Bikes

Outfit Post: 7/5/12

I need to be honest with y’all. The fourth of July party had some serious downer parts for me. There was a LOT of diet talk and a lot of discussion of good/bad food, and I spent a lot of time changing conversations to avoid it. Lately, I’ve been having a rough time with my self-talk, and it’s aggravated horribly by folks saying “Yeah, she’s really gotten fat lately” about a mutual friend, or the discussion of whether or not a certain friend was “allowed” to have the food we were cooking.

I have been trying for so long to just live HAES, but what Health At Every Size doesn’t do for you is block out all the messages around you. No matter how often I ask my friends to try not to slip into that mode of talking around me, it’s difficult for them, and I do understand. They’re bombarded by images and language that makes it clear that diet-talk is acceptable small talk.

My biggest coping mechanism right now is still taking care in what I’m wearing. While figure flattery doesn’t need to be a goal for everyone, it helps me suppress some of the negative talk when I can look at my outfit pictures and think “Damn girl, look at the booty.” I can’t pretend that it works every time(the above picture made me wince a little from both the visual texture of my thighs and the little back roll that came from cocking my hip), but most of the time, dressing well helps me work through it.

I also work on correcting the offhand thoughts. When I say to myself “I need to lose weight”, I try and combat it by saying “Nope.” I don’t need to lose weight. I might want to be more active, though summer makes that a somewhat miserable prospect with the heat nonsense. But losing weight won’t make me more healthy, and losing weight won’t magically make my thighs not touch anymore. (True facts, when I weighed 80 pounds less than I do now, my thighs still touched. This girl’s got legs that were always going to be facing chub rub.)

I feel like I’ve asked you guys in the past how you deal with diet talk or negative self talk, but I think it’s a conversation that bares repeating. I think it helps reinforce just how common it is, so that those of us who try and live HAES can also feel less guilty about “falling off the wagon” and thinking too much about changing our weight instead of improving our health.

Comments on: "Outfit Post: 7/5/12" (10)

  1. Argh, I get so tired of all of this. So tired.

    The other day I called to make an appointment for my wedding dress alterations, and the person on the phone asked, “So, how much weight have you lost already!” Because that’s what every bride does, go on a major diet. Not only was it inappropriate, but it was so thoughtless.

  2. Eurgh. I hate that shit. I am always going to be roughly the size I am, so I decided a long time ago to live a life of self-love. When you hate your own body, you can’t love anyone else’s, whether they’re a friend or lover, so you’ve got to start with your own. Most lady-folk are trapped in a vicious body-cycle, though, of envy and hate. All you can do is look in the mirror and see how awesome you are, and then look around and see how awesome everyone else is, and try to help lift up people who need it.

  3. When I was getting married, I started going to the gym because I wanted to be able to dance at the wedding without my hip killing me, and I knew that strength-training my legs was the only way to fix the pain-issue. I got a personal trainer to keep me focused, but I had to stop going when she put me in ‘Bridal Boot Camp’. Take that boot camp and shove it! I got engaged at this weight, and I just want to be able to WALK, dammit!

    I guess the trick is to surround yourself with like-minded people who take care of themselves for the right reasons – and not for a specific number – whether that number is a weight or a size.

    Tia, you are beautiful, and you always find ways to accent what is positive about your body shape, and I envy your skill in that. Hugs!

  4. rubybastille said:

    I’m sorry you have to deal with that, lady. I’m glad you’re able to give yourself the pep talks you need, and I’m glad your friends are at least open to being respectful about their body talk, even if they’re forgetful. Hopefully they get the message from you walking the walk (and by reminding them when they’re being thoughtless jerks)!

  5. It’s interesting because in the first photo, before I read your post, my initial thought was how enviably tiny your waist looks in this outfit. I think you look wonderful, but I know first hand what a struggle it can be to be around people with different health and weight goals.

  6. Well first of all (because I can’t not mention the outfit, duh) this is such a killer combo! I love how the stripes in the scarf and skirt almost match, and the crochet or lace detail on that top is soooo pretttyyyyy! You look fantastic my dear :)

    Now onto the body image stuff. Girl, when people body bash around me (or obsess about what food they’re eating and if it’s good or bad, which is like passive aggressive body bashing) I sometimes just don’t know how to deal! It can get so freaking exhausting, and I start feeling defensive, yo! I need more tips because at the time I end up saying something like “you’re perfect just the way you are” and it sounds so fucking corny even though I absolutely mean it. Also sometimes that rubs peeps the wrong way too, because they think I’m lying or just saying that or like I’m holier than thou? Or react as if I’m judging their right to hate their bodies openly? OMG I’m just realizing how much I think about this shit. What a brain fuck. Am I right??

    Lately it’s been coming up for me a lot at work because I have this semi-newly developed egg allergy. So anytime there’s a birthday or someone brings in doughnuts or brownies and they offer to me or tell me about them… I’m like “oh, I can’t eat it” and before I can explain “b/c I’m allergic to eggs” they’re like “oh, yeah, I shouldn’t either!” And then I feel all icky b/c they thought I was saying that I “can’t” eat something b/c I’m trying to lose weight or something and I am SO NOT ABOUT THAT.

    Also, no one is capable of 100% accepting/loving their bodies 100% of the time. It’s the TRYING that matters the most. So keep on keepin’ on, woman! And I’ll do the same.

    /end rant

  7. I think body talk will always be an important and open discussion on the internet.

    I’ve learned a lot from reading blogs. Through them I start to understand someone elses life/lifestyle and see why they make the choices they do and learn their story. It feels wrong to judge them based on what the world considers a body flaw. And after learning about a stranger on the internet, it makes me think of how EVERYONE has a story and who I am to go around talking behind their backs about how their body looks? There was a blogger who talked about this years ago and ever since then, I can’t get it out of my mind. It’s a constant reminded when I think to make a remark in public.
    Now, I have this nugget of knowledge in my mind, but it’s when I came upon a crowd of friends/family that it really gets put to use. It seems like people will pass judgement without a second thought. It can be terribly irritating to sit and listen to people bash on their bodies, their flaws, and then to go around and do it to others. It seems best to politely ask them to change the conversation, I have actually walked out the room before because I didn’t want to hear it!
    On a side not – I’ve often wondered what people are thinking about me when they are having these “bad body talks”. You know? Like, would your friends treat YOU the way they treat strangers? Do you they do it because they don’t know the person? Just something interesting to think about!
    Ok, ok, I’ll stop talking now! haha

    Anyways, your outfit is really rad! That green is awesome with your purple hair AND your skin tone. It’s a win-win! :)

  8. dizneesmurf said:

    I love this outfit on you Tia :)
    I don’t have much more to offer than all the other find folks have already said. I think you are a strong person and have always been able to project confidence. I dislike when I hear people saying they “can’t have this or that” because they are dieting. There is room for everything in moderation is what I believe.

  9. Tia, I thought about this for hours, then days… and I’m still speechless. I’ve wanted to write about body bigotry, and the way we devalue certain traits, but it’s all so vast… and I have a few friends in the Body Police. It’s painful.

  10. [...] but it made me think about Tia’s recent-ish post about dealing with everyone around her fat-shaming and discussing diets.  Wouldn’t it be great if other people’s bodies just didn’t concern us so much, [...]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 213 other followers

%d bloggers like this: